So I have been making some changes recently. Actually over the last about 2 years. Mostly my changes have been targeted at my health, both physically and mentally. A few weeks ago I started walking every day (well, almost every day, I have missed a few but it really is almost daily), walking hard for at least 2-3 miles.
Monday I got some bad news and I elevated my intensity on the walk. I strapped on my camelbak pack usually reserved for bike rides and added a 10lb hand weight as well. Instead of shorts and a tee shirt (don’t you love winter in California?) I put on sweats, an extra shirt and a thick hoodie. I was pissed and I wanted to sweat.
I got through the day and went to work Tuesday somewhat more settled but still felt off. Had a good meeting with a Campbell Union School District rep on work I am doing to find partners for their STEAM initiative, picked up a new client referral, booked two lunches with referral sources and potential clients and then it was time to walk again.
So, I jammed home, changed into my gear (Camelbak with weights, sweats, extra shirt and hoodie) and headed off to the Los Gatos Creek Trail.Got there, parked, strapped on the pack and got my Pandora up and running on my phone and ear buds. I always listen to music when I walk, when I work, pretty much all the time. It helps me identify my mood.
Twenty minutes later as I am grinding my walk away, thoughts about what I didn’t do today, how I am going to manage if the conditions of my marital support change after they have been set for two years, where is my next piece of business coming from, should I start camping to get some solitude, I didn’t get a blog out today, how am I going to meet a great girl….BOOM, I am jerked back when I hear a sweet instrumental from the just post WWII swing era. Man, I needed to hear that, I love that era of music. Suddenly, I am present. I am walking, it feels good to get my heart rate up. I am enjoying this piece of music, in this moment, right now. I see the couple with the yellow lab enjoying some time together, the local geese are honking and flying overhead. It’s sunset and I am here, now.
It may have taken a bit to get to the point but here it is. If I have learned anything in the last almost two years, it is work on what you can control, right now. Yesterdays failures or in-completes on the to-do list cannot be undone and all the shit I am worrying about has no foundation. I mean, I may not wake up tomorrow and certainly don’t want to waste my time on worry. I have been told that worry stems from fear and I think that is mostly true. We have all had experiences that we would not want to repeat so I think that plays a role in worry as well. Someone I know well and trust once shared a story with me about his family and the part that has always stuck with me was when his father told him “worry is not preparation”.
So, while I know it is really hard to do at times, take a moment, breath deeply and look around. What’s on your mind? Are you paying attention to now?