Nostalgia or depression?

Wow, another week has gone by. Down with a cold after a short out of town trip and spent all last week on my couch wondering when my body wold stop producing phlegm. Sorry, I know that’s gross.

Lying on the couch I started thinking about what I wasn’t working on. I own my own business and adjusting to time off that is unexpected is not all that tough but this time I noticed I was focused on dreaded worry. Thoughts like “my year is at risk”, “my pipeline is empty”, “I know I am missing an opportunity”, etc kept running through my mind. Then I started thinking about the past.

Remember how great it was when…..

Then it hit me, am I reminiscing, being nostalgic? Or am I depressed?

I am not a depressed person, never have been, but I do try to stay connected to my moods. I know that when I let worry get ahead of me that I am not focused on the present, on right now. This last little future trip that lead to the past was a reminder that I have a choice in how I feel, cold virus aside.

So, back at it today, in my office because I feel like the worst of the cold is behind me and I want (not need, but there is some of that too) to get on with life. Even in the smallest way, when you engage, when you do something that you have the mindful ability to control, you feel responsible for your outcomes. In my experience I would rather have put in the effort, tried and fail than to sit around and let worry and fear and what-ifs take control. Sometimes, when you try you even win.

P.S. Nostalgia is not always bad and doesn’t always lead to depression. My daughter has been a serious, high level, volleyball player since she was 12 and now plays at the collegiate level on an athletic scholarship. It’s off season right now (it’s a fall sport) so I have been jonesing a bit for some volleyball action. I was feeling well enough yesterday and I took the opportunity to watch my daughter coaching her 16 year old club team play in a league tournament. From 12 year old player to scholarship athlete to head coach, it was a wonderful trip down memory lane and also made a dad proud.


4 thoughts on “Nostalgia or depression?

    • Atiya – Thanks for the kind words. Back up and running at almost 100% and it feels good. I lived with a clinically depressed person for more than 20 years and was very codependent in that relationship which is partly why I am so sensitive to my own moods. Thanks for reading and commenting!

  1. I gave birth to my little girl three months ago. A few days later, my right hand could not move and I had to pass an operation. I could not do even the basics. I could not hold my little baby. I am still waiting to get well. Now, my 4-year-old daughter has fever. It seems there will be no ending.. I am struggling to stay positive. See? It could have been worse!

    • You’re right. Hopefully my post didn’t come across as whiny. I was trying to say that everyone has things that get them down but we also have the ability to look and move forward. There are some who have clinical conditions that cause depression and even with medication it can be difficult for them. As you say it can always be worse. One of my favorite quotes “I cried because I had no shoes, then I met a man who had no feet”. Thank you for reading and commenting!

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